Sometimes I feel like a phony. Going around touting the awesomeness that is yoga and healthy eating, when I certainly haven’t always been this way. I recently posted about How I Lost 40 Pounds Without Dieting. What I didn’t really talk much about was my old lifestyle. I’m sure anyone who knew me in high school, university or my stint teaching English in South Korea would think I was full of shit. Well I did use to be, literally (i.e. poop).
This shiny happy yogi lifestyle I lead now isn’t how things always were for me. Things were dark. I was addicted to food and alcohol, feeding some part of me that needed a lot more than those things could offer. I ate McDonalds. I drank a lot of whisky. I did drugs, and I’m not just talking about Mary Jane.
After years of binge drinking, doing drugs and eating fast food I turned my life around, almost by accident really. Truth be told, I didn’t really like myself very much for most of my life. This showed up in how I treated myself and how I allowed myself to be treated by others. Trying not to feel, masking my pain in a bottle of wine, a pill, a joint, it got to the point where it wasn’t working for me anymore, I realized this behaviour no longer served me.
When I came out of my cloud of depression, on the other end was hope. I started changing my diet, I started getting exercise, I allowed myself to be in healthy and fulfilling relationships, even though I fought it at first. I started opening up to people, I stopped drinking so much. I started to like myself. Dare I say I even loved myself. I allowed myself to really FEEL. I became more sensitive, I even cried sometimes (what?!), happy and sad tears. But the point is, I was using all those things to not feel until I finally realized that feeling and being vulnerable is OK, in fact feeling is amazing. Feeling is what life is all about.
I’ll never be one of those squeaky clean yogi/nutritionists who came out of the womb drinking a green smoothie in lotus pose, and that’s ok. My journey is different and my life has flipped 180 for the better, for the best actually.
If you can relate to this in the least, just know that if I can do it, anyone can. You can change, things can be better and YOU can be better (not that you’re not already perfect just the way you are!).
I’m sorry for what I’m about to say because it is so painfully cliche but, every day is a new day and a chance to start over.
Ok I said it. xo